Past the point of no return

You know that moment when you realize that you’re in too deep and there’s nothing you can do about it? That’s how I feel right now. Next week I’ll be setting out to run 13.1 miles – in a race.

I am, as they say, past the point of no return. I can’t back out now. I’ve come way too far for that. I’ve already logged more miles this year alone than I have in the past two years combined. I’ve run 100 miles in a month. I can do this. I know it.
Then why do I feel scared and nervous about the upcoming race? Why does the half marathon feel like the Phantom when he first appears in the mirror? Mysterious, exciting, but at the same time incredibly terrifying.

musicalsonline.comMaybe it’s the fact that I won’t be able to just give up if I don’t feel like running that day. The pressure of wasting the money on the registration fee – of letting the people down who have supported me through this. The people who listened to me complain about how my legs hurt – put icy hot on my extremities and made me bubble baths with soothing oils. (Quick shout out to my awesome, supportive husband!)

I’m about to do something that I have never done before. And sure, I’ve trained for it, but…….this isn’t a training run – it’s the real deal. I’m still trying to deal with the pressure the best way I know how:  by repeating my newly adopted mantra.

You Are Enough. You Are So Enough. It’s Unbelievable How Enough You Are.

I can only imagine how I’ll feel come Sunday. I already have my plan in place for the morning of, and thankfully we don’t have a long drive to get there, but I know once I step out of the car and pin on my bib, the nerves will really take over.

But on Sunday, I’ll attempt that race anyway, regardless of how nervous I am or how I feel. I’ll step behind that mirror and see what really waits for me on the other side. Maybe it’ll be gruesome. But maybe it will be beautiful.


About AlyL

A wandering spirit drawn to running, music, theater, and those that give life to others. Functioning in a life that's next to normal.
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